Dear Anita

I think I gave this power out as I thought this was the way to preserve the stability/ our relationship. But I think giving up power(she or I equally so ) may not be the way to go.

I have bee preparing myself mentally, on how to interact with her when I see her. I seriously don’t know what will come up. At this point, I lean towards wanting to stay together, but this does not come out to be this, I feel I have done my best already.

I was very disorientated at the beginning of the month, and now finally settling down. I don’t know how I could do better, given the situations and history/ background i was in.

i am tempted to think she wants to break up, to imagine the worst(which as Helcat said i thought that might protect me against the worst), but I try not to . Honestly, when I think if she says she wants to be together, I am equally unsure how to react, I probably should prepare myself for this as well, or may be just play be the ear then.

Thanks all, I will update soon