Dear antarkala:

Still trying to answer your question from yesterday (“Why does he want me sooooo badly?“), in connection to his childhood. I re-read some of what you shared in this thread.

March 26: “My boyfriend’s dad, in his words, has not been a great father since his childhood. He did not work hard and did not proactively provide for the family“- growing up, your boyfriend did not have a strong male father figure in his life.

Growing up, you took on the role of a strong father male figure. I wrote to you back on March 27: “seems to me, antarkala, that your role reversal situation was that of you being your mother’s.. father, teaching her to stand up for herself, to act confidently and assertively, a parenting job traditionally done by the father in the family… for the purpose of helping her/ strengthening her, (you) took on the manly traditional role. So much so, that you even walked in a manly way“.

(In regard to walking in a manly way, I was referring to what you shared: “My school teacher once described me as a lady don to my dad and I once remember one of my teachers telling me my walk is too manly“).

On March 25, you wrote in regard to your boyfriend: “Initially, I did get thoughts like ‘maybe he is not strong enough’… “I don’t think he is manly enough’“.

My response to the quote right above was: “what this is telling me is that you need to..  finally not be The Strong One, to.. finally have someone else be the strong one, so that you can relax“.

In your reply to the above, on March 30, you posted: “‘Finally have someone else to be the strong one…. So that I can relax’ – in one sentence, this is all I want. You really understood where I’m coming from“.

It seems to me that his attraction to you may have to do with your appearance of male strength, such that he didn’t have growing up, a role you took on when you were growing up. But it’s only a role. You need a partner who will appear or actualize male strength, hence your dissatisfaction with him.

In your very first post, on March 23, you wrote: “we have been in a relationship for more than a year, I always felt something was missing since the beginning“. In your most recent post on July 29, you wrote: “since the beginning of the relationship whenever we catch up I am always telling her ‘there is something missing and the reason is him and it bothers me that he does not fight back or puts up with it’”- the missing-something may be the missing appearance or actualizing of male strength on his part.

You need him to be the strong male figure so that you can abandon your strong-male-figure role and relax into a female role, while he needs you.. to continue your strong-male role?

* When I mention male and female in this post, I am referring to masculine and feminine energies that exist in both genders.

anita