Hi Anita,

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I agree that this relationship is triggering past wounds. Growing up my mother never communicated but expected me to read her mind and anticipate her moods and needs. If I didn’t do this, she would blow up and yell, throw things, etc. As a result I have a tendency to mind read others and try to keep them happy, and I assume a lot from little things.

My boyfriend struggles with communication and is not straightforward with me about his emotions and needs. He is a very different person from my mother and would never become angry like that, but his behavior has similarities that put me on edge.

We have talked about this issue (and many others), and I feel he’s made a genuine effort to understand me and work on changing his behavior. He did promise to text back faster which immediately happened. He has promised to be more intentional about spending time with me, which I feel is slowly improving.

Emotional regulation is what I’m really struggling with – he has some real problems but I shouldn’t be bringing in so much past baggage. I am trying the normal things to calm down – taking walks, exercising, distraction, meditating, spending time with friends – which have helped a little but often just result in me crying in public.