Dear antarkala:

“Does me healing from my childhood experience of taking up the masculine role and him healing from his father’s absence change anything? I don’t even know if it’s possible and most probably not“- no doubt that healing from painful/ damaging childhoods changes one’s life for the better. I don’t think that healing changes some or all of a person’s masculine/ feminine expressions and behaviors.

“at this moment, it’s just hard for me to accept the reality. I really thought this is the one!“- you’ve been thinking that he’s the one throughout all this time that you’ve been presenting him as an unsatisfactory choice of a partner (in so many ways)?

I am puzzled. I would like to understand better (therefore, I am asking many questions in this post, and as always, you are welcome to answer or to not answer any of the questions I ask).

“Don’t all women at the end of the day want to be in a relationship that lets them step into their feminine?“- you want to step into your feminine, as in: to no longer be the strong one, the initiator, the one taking charge, the leader. You want him to be these things so that you can relax and let him lead..?

Are you angry with him (have you been angry with him for along time) for not being strong enough, initiator enough, social enough, etc.?

“what kind of women will he be happy with?“- the kind that likes and respects him, I hope, the kind that thinks highly of him.

Do you think highly of yourself? Do you like you?

“I don’t know if I can take on a more feminine role.. should I? in order to attract a masculine person?“- I don’t think that you should take on (the appearance of) a more feminine role so to attract a masculine person. Better share femininity and masculinity with your choice of a partner for the betterment of the team.

“Doesn’t that side (femininity) naturally comes out when you’re with a masculine person? I really don’t know“- I think that your relaxed part will come out when you are satisfied with your choice of a partner and no longer want him to be someone he is not, and when you are satisfied with who you are.

“I’m very career oriented and probably don’t even want to be a mother. Don’t know what life is trying to teach me.“- that it’s okay for you to be you, and that it’s okay for him to be him?

anita