Hi dear Tee,

Mhh, yes and also I don’t even wanna say this inner critic part is me. It does not feel like I suppress it. I read a quote form Deepak Chopra:” Awakingng is not becoming you. It’s unbecoming who you are not”. This sound like my expirience.
I think in Buddhism they call it dualistic expirience. I think when I accept this part as me it makes it possible to please. When something in life communicates this way I need to act or stay away. I need to protect my space and mind. With words or actions. I think this way the heart can stay open. I trust that I give the space and attention to the parts which feel spacious, me, good or however it’s called it will go away and I will be able to draw a more clear line. At this point I’ll probably be able to be able to not loose myself facing pleasing or people who communicate in dualistic/psychotic ways. (meet their needs on my cost) I’m not shure if this is what’s called psychotic but it makes sense this way.

I don’t want this part at all at the moment. When I give it space I feel depressed and I want to withdraw. So I did not attend I found another way to value my need to honour my dad.

What you can control is your reaction to her behavior.

I think I cannot control my reaction at this point. I need to strengthen myself more. I better stay away from people who disrespect or try to please me on their cost. It made me feel angry recently. It’s a boundry I have. I need to be able to trust in people that they say no when they feel no and if someone does not do that I do not wan’t to see them atm.

I think I’m at the point where I accept that I cannot do this process with my mom as she is at a different spot and waiting is painful. Thanks for pointing my attention there.