Dear Helcat:

Thank you for this magnificent reply: intelligent, insightful, honest, humble, empathetic and kind!

“it’s really hard talking about these things“- yes, it is. This is why if talked about, it needs to be done gently.

“It is hard to be vulnerable when talking about trauma“- I feel that it can be done (being vulnerable) only when trust is there: trust not in the person in front of us- or on the other side of the computer screen- being perfect, but trust in the person being a good-enough, faults and all.

“Her values are twisted“- yes.

“Kindness and love are what I value. You embody that. Your inherent value is known and recognised by everyone here“- this is the nicest thing I read/ heard all day 😇😊, warms my heart, thank you!

“We are two different people, what helps one might not help the other“- true. I need to remember this principle in regard to all the people I communicate with, online and irl.

“For a long time I felt the situation very personally. Like it was me particularly that made her behave in that way. Like I deserved it. That is what she said after all, I just believed her“- 100% true to me.

“Finally understanding that it wasn’t me, I was just an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire of her complicated nonsense“- same here, FINALLY.

“Knowing about the diagnosis when I was younger could have been harmful, because I might have been too understanding. If that makes sense?“- it makes sense to me in regard to my decades-long personal experience with my mother: I was too understanding, had too much empathy for her.

What happens to a young deer facing a hungry mountain lion and feeling empathy for the mountain lion (thinking something like: poor mountain lion, he is so hungry.. I can’t run away and deprive him from food!)?

“it is important to retain empathy for ourselves first and foremost. Protecting and caring for ourselves is the most important thing. Our first duty is towards taking care of ourselves“- agreed.

Love and best wishes back to you❤️!

anita