Dear Lauren:

(I will be boldfacing some of your words): “So last week I had this random thought that what if my bf isn’t the one for me. Which I remember at the time made me tummy DROP and I felt sick”- a random thought scared you so much. This is what OCD, as I know it from my personal experience, is about: being scared of.. of thoughts.

“the thought of losing him was so so scary”- again, it’s a thought that scares you so very much. There is no danger in a thought, a thought does not present danger to a person.

“I have identified it as hocd… I’m a proper Overthinker about everything…I’m just absolutely obsessed with him”- this is the problem: Overthinking (with a capital O, as you chose to put it), about everything.

“sooo yeh this thought happened and then my mind started wondering, what could break us up and the thought what if I don’t like men and I secretly fancy women… and ever since then my mind has been crazy spiral!!!”-

– thoughts happen to everyone, and lots of them happen much of the time, because it’s easy to think, and thoughts happens fast. Thinking that you secretly fancy women doesn’t make you of any particular sexual orientation, it simply makes you a person who thinks, and can think anything.

The thought I secretly fancy women doesn’t make you of any particular sexual orientation any more than the thought I am an elephant makes you an elephant.

“I got through that time and I was so happy the intrusive thoughts had stopped. But now I’m getting all the same scary thoughts whilst being with my bf which is so so scary“- the thoughts feel dangerous (the danger in your mind is losing your boyfriend), but they are not dangerous, similarly to the non-danger in this thought: what if I am attracted to another man?

“I think it’s part of OCD called false memory”- were you diagnosed with OCD, Lauren? If you were or you will be diagnosed by a doctor, there are treatments for OCD that may be available to you.

“I’m getting awful intrusive thoughts and images of girls being naked and I now don’t feel comfortable around girls and I absolutely hate hate hate the thoughts… I’m so scared of ruining the relationship when it’s all I’ve wanted. I just feel like I need someone to tell me doing stupid stuff like that as a kid is normal and other girls did it!”- if I told you what you want someone (anyone) to tell you, it will at best calm you for just a moment.

What you need is a different relationship with your thoughts: not to hate them, not to love them, not to get scared by them, but to see them as they truly are: temporary, fast, effortless, invisible, tiny mental activity that keeps happening in every human brain that works.

You are scared to ruin your 5-year relationship, afraid to lose the relationship.. or are you afraid to not lose it, that is, as in, to be stuck in it forevermore? Maybe the HOCD thoughts are about resolving the fear of staying in the relationship.

Fear Not Your Thoughts, Lauren.

anita