Dear Helcat:

“She complained to my husband about me politely setting boundaries with her “Please don’t talk to my husband about your sex life. Thanks” was what I said and I also reassured her and comforted her. She tried to manipulate him. She said that I attacked her. That I was trying to get rid of her and that I would try to get rid of other people he cared about next… It turns out that he lightly defended me and said that I wasn’t usually like this. He has been angry about this… It is hard for me that he struggles with setting boundaries… I’m a loyal person. I have ended friendships because people showed a romantic interest in me or because they were rude about him… I said that if you don’t want to see him, you don’t want to see me. I don’t let people disrespect my husband.“-

– for crying out loud, this is wrong! I am sorry you’ve bee going through this unnecessary pain. Of course it’s disrespect of you and of your marriage: active disrespect on her part, and mostly passive disrespect on your husband’s part (allowing her in his- and your life).

I have a better understanding now of his struggles with setting boundaries. He has been letting her have power over himself and over the marriage, power that does not belong to her!

Sorry, Helcat, have to be away from the computer sooner than expected, be back to you tomorrow.

anita