Dear Helcat:

You are welcome and thank you for the first angel face emoji I have ever received!

“Pregnancy hormones have lots of natural painkillers and muscle relaxants“- I didn’t know this (the wisdom of nature).

“… As the baby grew, that’s when things got worse. I had pelvic pain even before the baby, so the last trimester was agony. I could barely walk and the last month I couldn’t“- there is a long and thorough blog post,  living with fibromyalgia. org/fibromyalgia-and-chronic-pelvic-pain (Nov 2023): “Two common types of chronic pain that often coexist are fibromyalgia and chronic pelvic pain… Fibromyalgia affects an estimated 2-8% of the population, primarily women… On the other hand, chronic pelvic pain is a common problem among women, affecting approximately 15% of the female population…

“Emotional stress, anxiety, depression, or a history of trauma may contribute to the development or exacerbation of chronic pelvic pain…

“Fibromyalgia is characterized by central sensitization, which refers to an amplification of pain signals in the central nervous system. This heightened pain perception can lead to widespread pain throughout the body, including the muscles, joints, and soft tissues. Additionally, individuals with fibromyalgia often experience disturbances in sleep, mood, and cognitive function, which can further exacerbate the perception of pain… Central sensitization, which is a hallmark of fibromyalgia, can also occur in the pelvic region, leading to an increased sensitivity to pain in that area”-

– this helps me understand better how important it is for you to have a stress-less, calm home life. It is important that your husband understands this too.

“My thoughts are that none of us choose how we feel. It sounds like my husband has been struggling with his own issues too. For a while, I blamed him for blaming me. That isn’t very helpful either“- blaming people is harmful in any relationship, let alone a marriage. Let alone when one of the partners suffers from fibromyalgia.

There is an excellent blog:  fibromyalgia resources.com/wife-has-fibromyalgia: (Aug 2017): “Your Wife Has Fibromyalgia? Here are 25 Ways to Support Her…1. When they are having a breakdown, hold them, let them cry and know you are there for them. 2. Learn as much as you can about it. Be patient… 5. Believe them first, be supportive second, be kind at all times third and pull your weight in the relationship in a practical way. They didn’t plan this any more than you did and you’re both in this thing together… 6. Show Love and Don’t ask too many question in a flare up times….

Also, if I understand correctly, Living with Fibromyalgia & Chronic illness is a support group for partners, something that your husband may benefit from.

Back to your recent post: “There is something else that is important to know about him. He has a very good memory. Something that he struggles with is that he doesn’t forget arguments“- another reason to not blame, not to argue.

“The world can be hostile at times and challenging“- I think that hostility between individuals, between groups of people, between nations, all has its origin in the.. first crime scene, so to speak: the home where a parent is hostile to a child.

“The idea of adopting has always been nice to me too. It sounds like you had a good understanding of what being pregnant would be like and made decisions that were right for you“- thank you! ❤️

“I am wondering how you are doing? Are you sleeping any better?“- unfortunately, had another sleepless night. But had an enjoyable time socializing last evening. I wish I could sleep though.

anita