Hi Anita

I’m very aware of the past being present with the difficulties with my husband. I’ve been having flashbacks to when I was a child because of the arguments.

I think that the change in my husband did happen during the pregnancy. But it was not just the stress. He struggled with the idea of being a father for a while. He worried that he would be like his father. He opened up a lot then and worked on his fears during the pregnancy. He is an excellent father, as I knew he would be. I think that it was a big change for him and he found himself caring for our son more than he could have ever imagined. I think the idea of being a father made him feel vulnerable in a way that he had never felt before.

He has been through a lot in his life, lost a lot of people and his family impressed upon him a lot of unhealthy messages. Everyone will leave him, the people you care about most will betray you. You should leave people before they leave you. These kinds of things.

I think having a son, especially internationally and the idea of things not working out is very scary to him. I had a friend who was in this situation and they sent the child backwards and forwards between countries for half a year at a time.

I think the change in relationship and communication dynamics with a child has been hard for him. Taking breaks during disagreements to calm things down was something that he didn’t want but I forced it to happen because of our son. A lot of the changes in communication I have forced to happen for our son. It has taken him a while to get on board with this. I think he feels quite badly about this.

As things got worse, I lost my patience with him and started walking away from him whenever he started acting out.

He has expressed feeling a loss of control in the relationship and feeling like he is being controlled and treat like a child.

I told him that I don’t want to do this, but we have a son and until he is ready to take responsibility for his own behaviour I will do that for him.

I’m going to have to finish writing the rest of my reply to you tomorrow. I’m falling asleep.

Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏