Bita,

You need to let go of trying to control every single thing possible in the relationship. Love isnt about control and ego battles. Its about respect and trust. If you read what you have written, you will see the extent to which you’ve labelled your relationship as “not normal” “over-communicated” and him being distant. Your own nagging hasnt helped either. Why is it so necessary to have everything picture perfect, otherwise you must pick at it until it is destroyed? What exactly is your definition of the perfect relationship?

I will be honest and you may find my opinion quite unpleasant.

The only way you can get out of this rut is to change your own state of mind. You’re sounding very negative about the relationship and expecting him to play Oprah after you scream at him. The more you decide to relax, consciously just love him without your expectations, the more he’ll feel safe with you. When do you think a tortoise goes into his shell?

The existence of this man will never complete you. Only you can complete yourself. He is here to support you and love you but not be your emotional crutch every time. Why resent him if he cant play your psychologist every time? Is that all he is there for? Tell me, would you like it if he nagged you and picked on your faults all the time? Would you like a person who seemed so insecure and kept depending on you for their basic sense of validation, while constantly finding fault with you?

Consider metta meditation. Its very helpful to come in touch with your inner sense of love. Also, try http://viewonbuddhism.org/attachment.html please read the part on “some notes on ordinary love”..You will realize my point here.

– Moon