Wow, thanks so much Big Blue and Inkrid for being kind enough to take time to respond to me. I mean that. It means a lot that a stranger somewhere else in the world is selfless enough to care.

I also really appreciate the practical advice about meeting someone new. I think I am just at the stage where I am too sad about my loss just now. Although I did think yesterday that in fact this loss is the loss of hope, rather than the loss of a relationship that was making me happy, because ultimately it wasn’t and that’s why he is not here with me this morning. I know I deserve more than he was giving me. Or….Big blue you hit the nail on the head when you said “would you agree you are worthy”. Because actually I think the root of this fear of mine is that somehow I don’t believe I am worthy.

This week has been a little easier. I had a cognitive hypnotherapy session to try to deal with some of my fears and anxieties, and it did help. Part of my problem I think is I need to be more loving to myself and to forgive myself. I see being single in your thirties and not having a family as some kind of mark of shame, and I feel like a failure. Which isn’t a start. So I am going to try and be more positive. I think I have some way to go. My inner voice is telling me I am not strong enough.

Big blue I think you are right about just being out in the community and doing things you like. I’ve taken that on board and planned lots of things for today and I also find that just putting on a bit more make up or some lipstick or whatever can make me feel that bit more confident as I leave the house (when inside I am shaking with fear and having to breath deeply to even leave the house). I’m still quite scared about what lies ahead.