Hey!

I have very little left to say because everyone who replied has offered so much already! I have been/am in your situation – I logged in to reply because I can feel your pain. I am far from healed, and I don’t have any answers about what will happen in the future (3 months or later). One thing that helped me become more accepting of the lack of control is this – I used to always think that I would do absolutely anything to make my relationship work, and I just couldn’t figure out the best way to fix things. At one point I realised that there is something I could do – the only thing I could do was to completely let go – to give him space to figure out his feelings, and much more importantly to take a step back for myself and work on my issues – it seemed harder and more painful than any of the other “plans of action” I had considered before. You have realised you need to work on yourself – and that’s an incredible first step. Part of healing and becoming a better person, as I have come to believe (after quite a bit of resistance), is to let go of trying to control things and ‘making’ them work, and rather, to work on healing yourself and becoming the best version of yourself possible. The worst thing that can happen is that you won’t end up together (and believe me I know that still seems unfathomable). There is no way you can be happy together now (before you work on your issues) but you’re lucky enough to have an option, you have the power to do something to be happy – work on yourself.

I know this is not as ideal as me telling you there is a magical way of fixing everything, and that I can guarantee you can get back together – but starting to realise that you can gain control of some things (your own healing) by letting go of control over other things (the relationship) will definitely help you move forward. In as scary as it is, I have come to believe that if two people are meant to be together they will end up together – if your relationship is truly as great as you believe, then the two of you will find a way (if both of you work on yourselves, are ready to grow etc.) If not, and you are working on yourself in the meantime, then you will find greater happiness even if it is not with the person you imagine. I have no guarantees, as like I said I am in the same boat – but the very best thing you can do is work on yourself – we WILL find peace and happiness if we keep trying – whatever that might look like!

Love
JDKM