Nami,

I am sorry for your suffering.

Be at ease and know that not all the blame lie on your shoulders. Society is hectic and can have all sorts of influence on us. With so many voices, so many factors, so many elements pulling us in every which way, it is indeed difficult to pause ourselves and ruminate upon our being. It can seem as if everything is ‘go go go’ nowadays. And with everyone dancing to the beat, how can we not follow? Because of this, it’s understanding and not wrong to say that we don’t know how to truly behave and obtain any notion of what ‘normal’ behavior is.

My dear, while it is sad that a separation occurred, do your best to also feel fortunate in this difficult time. This event has caused you to open your eyes, and heart, and appeal to your state of being. What would worry me, and you as well, is if you instead posted about how wrong his decision was for breaking up with you and ranting about it. Rather, you posted seeking for guidance and help in managing your negative habits and improving your inner being. Such consideration, especially under great emotional strain, indicates that innately you are, after all, a more beautiful being than you knew. Hence, be notably merry for this.

With this said, although the conclusion of an open heart does not necessarily mean anything for the two of you, it does greatly suggest that you will be able to move on. In fact, we must do so; for loving another human being means to earnestly want them to be happy in every aspect of their lives. If we truly care for them, we will thank them for the beautiful experiences and emotions we were able to feel because of them and the necessary life lessons that we were taught and given to help us in our futures. Neglecting to do so would only instill unhealthy ‘nourishment’ within us, adding to any residing chaos and increasing our chances of leading a destructive life. In addition, this would not honor the memory of the relationship. Why give thanks to such a beautiful experience by tarnishing ourselves? It would be quite disrespectful.

However, do not languish; for you’ve already begun to blossom from this. Take care, though, in knowing that change does not (necessarily) occur in short periods of time. Development, ‘careful’ development, should take time as we consider all that enters our lives. Forcing ourselves to grow is an illusion, especially if we do not come to understand the phenomenons occurring both inside and outside of us. As I often state to other TB members, all delicate things require proper nurturing. Aren’t out lives such things? While our bodies need physical exercise to be healthy, our minds need positive thoughts as nutrition in order to be.

In summary, do not wholly blame yourself for behaving the way you did. We are not meant to know all the answers nor ever will hence our actions will always remain innocent. Honor and commemorate the relationship you shared by working on the (behavioral) faults you believe caused about the current circumstances (in a kind and gentle and understanding manner) at a pace which will yield spiritual enlightening.

I hope this helps and please forgive me for any grammatical errors which I often make in long reply posts. Namaste.

Al