Hi Britt,
I am freshly out of a very hurtful relationship and can understand the confusion you face when it comes to dealing with an ex contacting you after many misleading actions. I truly believe that it is time to move forward, without him. And I am a believer that if you really want to move on from someone, you will. I just left my relationships 3 weeks ago and I know in my heart that he will no longer be someone I want in my life, friend or boyfriend. I didn’t know what it would be like… I thought I would obsess over him and what he was doing.. but because I really, truly wanted to be done with him and any future, my mind and heart agreed, leaving the process of grieving and sadness very short lived. At my 3 week mark, I am truly happy that I no longer have that negative, hurtful person in my life anymore. I think that when things end without closure, which it seems you didn’t get, we feel like the door isn’t closed, but cracked open.. cracked open enough to completely open it back up, or close it for good. I know you probably feel like you wanted closure, or that it would have helped, but you can provide that for yourself, I promise. It’s been a year… his actions, his thoughts, his choices DO NOT affect you.. why ruin your days with thoughts of a relationship that is not only no longer, but seemed to leave a bad taste in your mouth while IN it. Remember that as humans, especially after a bad breakup, we tend to forget facts, and reminisce on the fantasy we built of this individual. Continuously thinking of what was, or what could be, doesn’t allow those wounds to heal. You MUST change your thoughts. The first week of my breakup, all I could think about was the hurtful things he COULD do ( such as start talking to girls or something) and then I was like.. wait.. so I’m gonna sit here and think about his actions when they literally have nothing to do with me anymore? I forced myself to think of something else, even the most random thing, in those moments. I just feel like if you try to fix the puzzle to this old relationship, that you’ll do more harm than good. That chance, to me, isn’t worth taking. Never chase a guy who couldn’t give you the decency of a proper good bye, but thinks that texting you about finals a year later is appropriate.

With love and support,
Vanessa