I’m glad that you had a revelation 🙂 As someone who used to be really passive-aggressive and manipulative, I know that light-bulb feeling. Get ready for another one. How to express anger? You say “This makes me really angry”. It really is that simple and about being clear and honest.

Perhaps you had thought that it was somehow better and more appropriate to use words that buffered what you really feel and think. It really isn’t, and you might be really surprised by how people will react to genuine communication. That said, genuine communication does not mean being rude and offensive. You can still be kind and lovely. Just clearly communicate your needs and feelings.

Another side of passive-aggressiveness is trying to make people behave in a way you want them to behave. Please remember that you are only responsible of your behavior and if someone reacts to your honest communication with disdain, it is their problem. Luckily, I have noticed that it’s surprisingly easy to let go of people who do not fit with the authentic self. It was harder to let go of those who did not fit with the false self. I don’t know why, but it’s pretty great 🙂

Look for books about codependence. Passive-aggressiveness is really prevalent in that condition, as is fear of altercation.