Thank you so much for your sharings, really appreciated. I especially resonated with your replies Matt and the Ruminant (as I can’t manage to be anything but authentic about my feelings). I feel quite anxious and sad because I feel like this challenge is asking me to stretch beyond what I may be capable of, because of my insecurities and also a deep grief around the ways my conditioning is keeping me locked into patterns that aren’t good for me or for my relationship with my husband (all the old baggage and karma passed down generations). I’m feeling at a low point in my life, and not sure how I’ll be able to face this situation and not plunge into grief. Because I feel like what it’s asking is to step up and I don’t think I can feel “mudita” for his joy in this special connection he is developing with this new friend. In my heart of hearts I want this deep connection and intimacy with my husband, this tenderness and deep seeing one another, soul-sharing, seeing the preciousness in one another and the awe and inspiration, and yet I feel so overwhelmed with life, with our young children (still breast-feeding!) and also living quite isolated in another country and far from my many resources (sangha, friends, family, creativity, professional life…), so it’s been hard to even find the time to connect with each other (with my husband), so exhausted at the end of the day, and so low in inspiration. We had a weekend away together a few months ago for the first time just the two of us since our first child was born and it was amazing and felt like the early days, but most days we are struggling to get through the day. I feel like what I really need is space and time to reconnect with myself, to get my joy and inspiration flowing again, to find my center, before I can meet my husband in a really good space. Like I need to take care of a deep inner healing and not sure if my husband has the patience to hold my hand through it. I feel some sadness about this, because I feel like all I can offer him in this moment is my brokenness, but not the joy and light and inspiration that he’s longing for and I imagine finding with this new friend. Another deep need for me is patience, being loved even in the brokenness (this is one of our problem dynamics and my grief can overwhelm him). Another challenge will be that when my husband returns in about a week we’ll have family visiting for a couple weeks who will join me before he does, so won’t have the intimate space to really dive into all this. Unless I write him first… About his new friendship, I feel a need for honesty and transparency, and some reassurance that he wouldn’t speak or act in a way with her alone that he would feel uncomfortable in my presence doing. Basically I hope that he wouldn’t indulge in stoking the fire with her and creating a deep attachment, but I feel it’s almost inevitable, especially if she already has feelings for him, because what he’s interested in is soul-sharing, and he has a beautiful, inspiring soul (and so does she). I don’t think I could manage an open relationship, even if it stayed non-physical but if there were deep romantic feelings or even like a soul mate connection between them. Ahh, suffering to come… May it break me open. Praying that this chaos will lead us to a higher order of integration (worrying it will shatter us), maybe it’s the pefection of the universe offering just what is needed to grow beyond stagnation. Thank you kind hearts for your reflections, helping me clarify all this.