Brooke,

In contrast to inky’s advice, I think you are quite lucky to be in such a tricky situation! Consider that your boyfriend is exhibiting a beautiful quality, caring for his family. For all his bluster, when it gets tough, his heart leads him to help his brother. That is a gem, and not to be attacked. Rather, consider it a blessing.

However, your boyfriend is also not helping his brother very well… enabling instead of growing. But, his heart is trying to care for his family, which is part of what you love about him, right? So, instead of being demanding, insisting that he move out to protect your home, consider encouraging your boyfriend to aim his desire to help his brother more skillfully. Not just “toss him a fish”, such as letting him live rent free, but rather “teaching him to fish”, such as paying his debts, finding a better balance, investing in his home, etc. Said differently, logic rarely beats the heart when it comes to a man like your boyfriend. Which is good for you, because it means his passions are more alive.

Consider having a heart to heart with your boyfriend, in the flavor of “I love the way you love your brother, and wish to see him find home. His out of balance actions are bad for him and us, what do you feel we could do to help better? Avoid the foreclosure/eviction this time around?”

Or, if you’re fed up and done, perhaps follow inky’s kindly intended advice. Move out, move on, turn away. Its only your karma if you let it be, if your home remains partly in union with your boyfriend. If you can kindly, gently, and with understanding for the brother, roll up your sleeves and help your boyfriend figure out a skillful way of being generous to his brother, your desire for balance will help him find his, and if any luck at all, the brother as well.

Your heart has wings, dear sister.

With warmth,
Matt