Thank you Matt, for your kind and as always, wise insights 🙂

Yes, It is very true – we are all only a tiny part of this beautiful world. I think I would really like to keep doing medditation practice and also following a spiritual path that I think I am on – as we all are in one way or another. I spent the morning looking into a sangha near me, and a regular group meditation – i think it would be good to connect with others in my meditation at least once a week. I am so very greatful for many things in my life. Before this journey in this now past relationship – I never knew about mindfulness, about meditation and being really in the present moment – as an actual practice. So in a way that relationship has brought me to this forum here, to my own self discovery, and to a new part of my life. I am so greatful that I found a way of helping my mind to be at rest at last, at least much more than I thought possible. I think the fact that looking at wise people, like the buddhist teachers and listening when they say there is no wrong way of doing it – that made me think today mpre than ever that you arent really failing, just being. That it is ok to just be there in your imperfect self ! Yet, as you can see I still go through the panic states at times. But I am able to have a way by meditating to get in touch with peace at times – and for that I am so bloody thankful as I never had felt truly at peace. I was always worrying alot sisce childhood. As strange as it sounds, I feel like in the past day or two that I was getting signs from a higher power to go on , to move forward – like as if I can make it, and finally believing it. Today out walking, and with friends I felt a sense of purpose or of oneness I think, if that makes sense.

The thing that still pains me is my co – dependence. I ask myself : who would I be and where would I be without that ? Would I have handled the chef life ? Would I be able to cope with lots more than I currently am, and then as a result, does it make me doomed in future relationships to be grasping and suspicious ? I of course like us all want to be with a partner – but the co dependence part makes me think maybe I am not wired for that. Maybe im not able for it. (the more positive side of me says – you are able maybe with someone more aligned, suited, fitting and compatible – yet Im afraid would I screw it up even if we were aligned !! )

I really want to thank you Matt, you are a teacher and a light source,
Warm wishes,

Barbs.

Namaste.