Hi BenzRabbit
Thanks for your reply. Please note I don’t have any addictions. I am well and truly out of those vicious circles.

Imagine your whole life never feeling properly loved or wanted, imagine carry around that lack of self esteem and lack of self worth, imagine you never realised that you were carrying around all that negativity and just assumed everyone else felt the same sadness as you as it is compounded in the atrocities that we read about or see on the tv every single day.

Imagine then being in a good place with a man who has good self esteem who has been brought up in a loving environment. Imagine knowing that you cannot love him properly because you just don’t know how to as you don’t love yourself and you don’t even believe that love exists.

In my opinion only a very few people in this world love and care for others unconditionally. Parents don’t love unconditionally, they mould their children to fit their own opinionated desire and expect for all their instructions to be carried out, oh and they love and care so that the favours returned when they reach old age.

As said in my first post, I have no plans to start a family until/if I get better. Perhaps you have experienced post partum depression and it is something that has hurt you or someone around you. I’m sorry about that. I thank you for the time and effort you went to in replying, perhaps I’d understand your point of view more if I knew more about your experiences. Reading between the lines of your reply, you have said to me, you have problems, you could have a child and have depression and then your husband will leave you penniless but possibly you are at fault because you wanted the child. This made me feel like a) I’ll never be able to cope/be better b) my boyfriend/husband will never love me and support me properly c) be a martyr, don’t have a child cause you’ll just screw the childs life up. I know you didn’t mean it this way and I am being way too sensitive but isn’t that just the way communication is generally, you want to help me but we can only help ourselves (as we are the only ones who truly have any idea about our problems) and its too much effort and upset to break it down step by step and reach agreement & a positive outcome for all parties. Just checked out BBC, another war kicking off? Should we have positive problem solving communication lessons in school rather than history!

I’m back on the road to recovery, I am back at work, I have plenty of money and earn a decent wage all I want is to be better and learn to love, hopefully without the need to be ambivalent to the none-loving attitudes of the world we live in. Now, where’s those glasses

God bless you too