We will be taking a vacation together soon, but there’s so much fear and anxiety that’s it not going to make everything better. I’m afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. I’m harboring so much anger and resentment it comes out in very hurtful ways. I want to get go and not have any expectations of anyone or anything. Just to be good and kind and loving and be loved, but it’s really hard. The more love I try to show and give, the more passive-aggressiveness there is within me. Everything looks so bleak and dreary and if I could just let go and be free that would be amazing. Everyone says I need to work at it and I need to take action, and I want to, but no matter what I do or say, it’s not fixing the situation. In fact, I think it makes it worse. The anxiety and fear are still there. I want to look at my girlfriend, my job, my food, my life in the same positive and open way I did before, but I feel very closed off and scared. It’s like everything is covered with an ugly veil. There’s no attraction or pull towards anything or anyone. I used to see the beauty and positive in everything, now I’m grasping at straws just to enjoy some of the most basic pleasures of life.