As I was reading this, I couldn’t help but notice that every single thing you said was something I have said to my boyfriend. I too went through the worst time in my life and took out everything on him, not realizing that I was being way too co-dependent and lost myself by letting go of my independent identity in the relationship. I had no idea who I was anymore, but I knew that this was not the girl he fell in love with. I asked him over and over why he wouldn’t help me or why he didn’t care when I was the one pushing him away by relying on him to make me happy and feel good about myself, when that should have been coming from me.
I have been with my boyfriend off and on for two years now, and we’ve been to hell and back. But I love him like no other and we’re working on things. Things have been hard, especially when he wouldn’t talk to me. He did it to give me and himself space, even though those were the times I wanted him the most. You need to figure things out within yourself. I can say surrounding myself with people who love and support me, and also meditating, reading, and doing mindful breathing did me wonders. Go out with friends. Do things to remind yourself of who you were before you met your boyfriend, because that is the girl he loves. I can tell you that this man loves you, and he is not giving up, he just can’t take the shit that you give him anymore. Take time to yourself and learn to love yourself again.
I have come a long way in these past months and I know you will too. I would wake up every day wondering why I was going through what I went through, and why he wasn’t there for me. Now I am excited about life and all of the possibilities it has to offer each day. You will get through this. The sooner you change for the better, the sooner it will take to work on your relationship by showing your man you’re the girl he loves. It doesn’t have to be the end, it’s a new beginning for you.