John,

Why do you think it has something to do with her? How many “things” do you look at with the same judgment? Career? Self? Her? It seems common now, for you to cling, wish things were different than they are. When reality seems painful, its natural to try to dream a better dream. Maybe a new John would do better. Maybe some new pair of creamy thighs holds the secret to John’s happiness. Logically, I know you know it ain’t so.

As far as the witch goes, consider that you’re saying “I don’t call her a witch, but look.. a crooked nose, broom, pointy hat. Yes, she’s beautiful, but she’s ugly to me.” Don’t chop off the finger, deny the witch, its just a meaningless pointer… look at the moon. She’s not your enemy, or the source of the “ugly perceptions”. Those are just the clouds, just a result of the mind kicking and bucking inside your head.

From a different direction, consider that you’re throwing poop onto a canvas, and complaining your rooms smells. And then, blaming the canvas, not sure if its the right canvas, longing for a different canvas. But, until you can accept that you’re painting it, its tough to turn away… and, even if you dump her, the smell is going to follow you around. Said differently, that nagging rooster is pretty sure that she’s the cause… but you can be free of that, stronger than that, if you consider setting that aside. Over time, you’ll stop getting pulled into the gravity of that. 🙂

From a different direction (although perhaps one of inky’s well aimed slaps would do you some good) consider that life doesn’t have to be an endurance trial. If she’s not it for you, she’s not it. Just consider that the center of a lightning storm is not the best time to make house repairs if at all possible. This mental state that you’re temporarily stuck in is making lots of stuff zappy that otherwise wouldn’t be an issue. Right?

With warmth,
Matt