I tend to have a hard and fast rule for myself about dating people that are married: don’t.

Separated is married, still, we are all better off accepting this. The longer the marriage, the longer it takes the heart to properly grieve the loss of the marriage, the heart stays married long after the decree, it doesn’t matter which party filed. To ignore this is to invite emotional disaster.

The best thing to do, Jan, would be to respect his confusion and pain of loss and back off and let him heal naturally. If he should reconnect with you in time, you will be stronger for it, and he will be more ready to handle a new, healthy, relationship.

The 30 day no contact does work if you use the time to truly move on and become a better you, but not if you use it as a ploy to get them back. It’s a paradox. You may find that you have moved on before they come back, that is a good thing. Stay strong. You seem to have a heart of gold.