Thanks again for even more replies! However i think the problem of late is that i am feeling a sense of despair. I can’t recall if i have mentioned this or not already but i think I have Avoidant personality disorder, which means i REALLY struggle to socialize or go outside my routine.
The reason i despair is because many say it is incurable even if you can improve. As anandita said she joined a buddhist organization and i think that is great but that is precisely the thing i can’t do.

I can’t do ANYTHING that involves humans around me if i dont know them completely. I’m mad at myself while writing this and i feel ungrateful and selfish to see so many replies that people were kind enough to give yet i still can’t feel any better or move past it.

So much shame….