Hi t,

I just came across your post and though its been a while since it was created, I just wanted to share what seems to help me with getting through my days with less suffering from a loss that sounds similar to yours.

For me, the most effective practice has been to practice loving myself and taking care of myself. Meditating, focusing on the good, constantly reassuring myself that my feelings are okay, treating myself like I would someone I’m in love with (like I’m dating myself). I have a hard time sticking with it on w I start feeling better, but I know when I’m not because then I start to have those feelings of lack/something’s wrong.

For the days when it all seems too much to bear and it feels like you can’t get a grip and your outlook seems hopeless, I practice tonglen. Breathing in the pain of the world (mine and all those suffering in the world from broken hearts and lost love) and breathing out peace or love or healing. For me, it helps to think of healing others, maybe it gets my focus away from myself.

These things, along with a nightly gratitude list before bed, getting out in nature, connecting with others on tinybuddha forums and sharing me feelings, as well as a constant reminder that all we have is the present moment and these feelings will pass help me to get through.

Most of all just knowing whatever I feel is okay. And please don’t label-I’ll never move on/get over it. It may feel like that, but nothing is permanent or guaranteed. Maybe you could try change that statement to “I’ll never stop loving her”. Maybe even try sending that love out to her or someone else so that it doesn’t feel stifled. Best is to send it to your own heart. 🙂

Thank you for sharing. Writing to you helps me, too! Sending you lots of love and peace.