I have been working towards this for what seems like forever but actually only abut a year or so. I made a promise to myself that i would “stop and smell the roses” and i have kept that promise daily. The time i spend alone, observing, admiring i find leaves me feeling like a fake. I sit quietly trying to truly see the beauty of this world, finding beauty in the norm but come away unfulfilled. I feel like i am trying to convince myself this is what i want rather than feeling the reward of the stillness. Dont get me wrong; i have made progres. I am not the man i was 3 years ago. I am better, stronger more loving and compassionate. But alway find myself leaning back to what has worked for me in the past as I do not know how to exist in this new role i have sought.