Hi Anthony,
The chapter of your life with this woman has come to a close. By your account, this ended when her drug use became a problem. You got that out of your life, and that is a good thing.
Now you think about all the good times and good parts of her, physically and personality. This is normal. You might have a hard time finding someone who doesn’t know how this goes. Love interests who had so much going for them, but had at one or more red flags/deal breakers. Then you start wondering ‘what if I just tough it out, maybe it’ll be ok’. Following through with this WILL lead you down a destructive path. You will basically condition yourself into believing that the relationship is ok, even though it’s not. You will train yourself to accept pain, then a little more, then a little more, just to be with her. You’ll believe that things are just about to turn a corner. A light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll feel it coming. But it never comes. It will drive you crazy. The cycle then repeats. I don’t know everything about relationships, but this is not what you want. If I may be bold, we all want someone with the good stuff (physically and mentally), the out of this world chemistry, no destructive baggage, and they WANT TO BE WITH US. She is destructive AND clearly does not want to be with you. If she wants to be with you under a condition, like, you allow her to move back in, then that does not count. Healthy relationships are about two people who want to enjoy each others’ company without conditions.
I’m not going to sugar coat things and say ‘you will find someone better’. The future is uncertain and nothing is guaranteed.
But holding onto this girl will guarantee that you will not experience the relationship you really want. Even if a fantastic match is right in front of you, you might not even notice it if your focus is latched onto this girl who has moved on.
Close the chapter. Remember the good parts. Leave it be. Learn the lessons. Move on.
Hope this helps!
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