Jane,
I’ve been in a relationship for many years, and I have a couple of long time male friends that are very close to me. If they needed a place to stay or were in crisis I would help them and truthfully I don’t know if it would even occur to me check in with my partners feelings about the situation. After all a dear friend is in need, I would expect him to understand and be fully supportive. If he doesn’t trust me or has insecurities in our relationship then likely there is bigger problems then a friend staying with me. Another perspective could be a respect for the length he’ll go to care for his friends. I can relate to bottling up emotions until I blow up, (I think all women can!) but likely his distancing and not understanding your feelings is a result of your original point being lost in translation. He may also feel hurt, or attacked, or insulted. The 2 year mark is often a “make or break” time in relationships, and this is a situation where a ton of faith and trust is required. It may be unfair to decide that he’ll react this way in the future. Maybe you guys can use this as an opportunity to hone those communication skills and grow as a couple. Good, solid relationships take work, patience, and trust. Just my thoughts. I wish you the best