Hi lissy
Thanks for your suggestion . Its like I drag the whole thing . It’s my stupidity ,which I can’t forgive myself for . It’s involve my guru , whom I respect a lot . When I first ask for the permission he was like think about it actually it’s about changing my life style .then I felt so guilty for only thinking about me then I thought I should say sorry to him and ask for permission to stay at my parents but he refused he was willing to give me a year break ,as I couldn’t go back I disagreed so he got angry I know he has right to .its been month now I realize I was so wrong to go to him as I couldn’t stay on my current life style I haven’t change yet and I promised him I won’t which I can’t keep for sure I m really regretting for changing my decision .in our religious not listening to your guru is a very big sin .i realized that I was asking forgiveness , and I didn’t listen to him . If only I haven’t been to him second time. I was unhappy before now I m unhappy as well as miserable . What do you think I shoul do ? Please giver advice .i m so traumatized I couldn’t function properly n octant stop myself from dwelling . I m always asking why am I so stupid ? It’s been my mantra for the last month . I m having trouble sleeping ,studying n I have lost weight . Seeing me like this my parents they are worried . God help me . My guru will never forgive megod how can I be so stupid .