dear little dreamy,

I completely understand your situation because I have been through the same thing and it took me eight years before realizing that he was cheating on me and lying to me the whole time. I am just a year older than you are. I was in a long distance relationship for almost 4 and half years and before that I was in a relationship with the same guy for four years. I loved him more than I loved myself and gave him my best in all aspects. As you mentioned, whenever I visited my home country, all that he wanted from me was sex. He never bothered to ask how I was or how things are in my life. He was very disrespectful, emotionally abusive, rude, short tempered, no kind words, no hugs, no cuddles except for I want sex which fortunately I denied. He told me that his parents don’t like me because I am not good looking, I am skinny, I am dark complected, I am not giving him any kind of sexual pleasure. I was so depressed, lost myself, lost my confidence, lost my self esteem, isolated myself from everyone and I felt like a loser because of all the words he said to me. So, I know how disgusting it feels everytime that person crosses your mind. He was extremely controlling, possessive, doubted me every single day and my life was nothing but a hopeless mess for eight years. He would break up with me and come back to me when he wanted money or some material things and I have literally lost count of how many times he has done that. I can’t believe I was so gullible all these years to all the lies he weaved. I was so deeply and madly in love with him that I was completely heartbroken, din’t want to see him or guys at all.

But then I realized that it’s my life and I shouldn’t get bitter just because one person din treat me right. I decided that I don’t want to waste anymore precious time thinking about him or all the wrong he did to me. I know I should let it all go not for his sake but for my own peace and happiness. There are plenty of gentlemen out there who will love you for who you are and treat you right. Be thankful that you did not marry him to discover later that he did not deserve you. You would be more devastated if that would have happened. It’s a blessing in disguise. Thinking about him and being depressed won’t take you anywhere in life. Just think about him, he found someone and he is happy with no regrets in life. Why should you cry for him. It’s time that you enjoy and live your life too. You have something much much better in store for you and that is the reason things did not work out with a loser like him. Trust me girl, you will find a man who will love you with all his heart. I am in the same situation as you and all I am doing is hoping and praying that I find my man when the time is right. Now, I am focusing completely on my life and not living a life that he wanted me to live. Hang out with your friends, go out and do things you enjoy doing, go to a spa, groom yourself, have a positive self talk for a few minutes everyday, try something fun and interesting which you always wanted to do, be happy and lastly smile 🙂 because you are you for a reason and nobody can be you. You are beautiful just the way you are :). You know what, I had a photo shoot recently just for fun and each and every person who saw my pics told me I am gorgeous and beautiful and I should try modeling ;). So, don’t let one person who has lost his brains decide your beauty or life. Be patient with yourself and life honey. There are plenty of books which will uplift your spirit and motivate you, get into the habit of reading. God has nothing but the best for you. The man of your dreams is out there somewhere, you just haven’t crossed paths yet. I am sure he will come in to your life soon and you will be happier than ever. Savor every moment of your life. May god bless you. Keep SMILING coz you never know who will fall in love with you and your smile 🙂