Hi there Arient,

I am in the same boat as you are but with a lot of twists and turns in the story. But I am really happy where I am today and I hope to find a guy who will love me with all his heart and treat me right. You story literally reminded me of my past.

My story is way too long but here it goes. I met him for the first time when I was in my sophomore year in college. I was never into guys and dating from the beginning as I was very academic oriented girl and din want to fall into all this at that age. He was in my class and I had hardly spoken to him but I believe he was noticing me all the time and liked me. He finally came and proposed to me out of the blue. Initially I was very hesitant as I too focused on my education, career etc etc but somehow I gave in. Everything was perfect for a year (I must say it was a fairytale story). Everyone in college knew about us and they envied us as a couple. I was on cloud nine and everyday was nothing but happiness and joy with him around me all the time. The problem was I never let this distract me from my academics but he did. He flunked in school and everything changed after that. He started blaming me for that and all of a sudden he started avoiding me and one day he randomly said he wants to break up with me. His reason was – my parents think you are not beautiful, he accused me of being ugly when in reality I am not. I felt so betrayed, humiliated, insulted. I felt like I lost everything in my life. I have no words to describe how I felt. This really got onto me and I started to lose weight like crazy as I would spend most of my days and nights crying and worrying how he could do this to me. I was admitted to the hospital twice because of weakness. But I somehow mustered all my courage, not for my sake but for my parents sake because they were really hurt to see me in that situation. Even though my heart was wounded, I knew that I had let go of my goal of going for a higher education go astray because of all this. So, I decided to focus on my life again. I prepared for my entrance exams and it was time for me to pursue my dream of going to grad school even though I was still shattered and so much in pain. I had to leave my parents and my country. Right before leaving, he text me and apologized and said that he wants me in his life and he would do anything to have me in his life.
Before I met him, I was a very confident, talented and strong girl but once I got into this relationship, I had to let go of all my interests, dancing, friends and more. He wasn’t letting be myself but I was so much in love that I couldn’t see what he was doing to me.
So, I forgive him and decide to give it another try. By that time he had flunked one more time (even though I wasn’t there in his life to distract him as he had accused me earlier). So, he had moved to my hometown to work until school started again (which he hid from me, god knows why). Anyways, I moved to US and preparing myself to start grad school. I was so excited about coming here and I would try to email me as and when I could but he would hardly respond and that would break my heart waiting for his response eagerly. I would try to call him from my cousins phone and he would hardly answer. I missed him a lot and I wanted his support but he was never there for me. He would always say something insensitive and hurt my feelings. He would never be a part of any of my accomplishments. My first day of grad school, it was a different experience in a different country and I wanted to share it with him so eagerly, he never bothered to ask me anything about it. I was awarded a full time scholarship and as usual he never bothered, I received an award as a best researcher and was sent to present my findings at an international conference, again don’t care attitude. I got an internship with a good company, again don’t care attitude. I graduated with a summa cum laude and our graduation ceremony was streamed online and he gave me reasons why he din watch it. I got a full time job and bought a new car, he din help me pick a car or with anything literally. Somebody tried to break in to my apartment and I was scared and crying but he never gave me a call to check if I was safe. I was craving for his love, his support, his appreciation the whole time but he never gave me what I deserved. If I said anything he would always threaten me saying he would break up with me and he is so handsome that he will find many girls. I foolishly kept giving in to all his temper tantrums and let him treat me wrong for eight long years. I was determined to have him in my life but I was just an option in his life. I sacrificed my whole life to live the way he wanted me to live and he would still doubt me and say nasty things to me. By this point, I had lost all my confidence, I was scared to talk to people because of his false accusations, I wouldn’t step out of the house coz if I did not answer his call or text him when he did I would be in big trouble and he would threaten to leave me. I felt so uncomfortable leading a life like this and was so confused and messed up. I lost my apetite, sleep, peace of mind. This relationship consumed me in every possible way. He was never there for me when I wanted him. Everytime I would see other couples happily and madly in love, I would ask myself why is this happening to me? He was literally using me for all that he and his friends wanted. I felt so lost and gave up all hopes on love and relationships. After breaking up a zillion times and coming back to me (For 8 long years he would tell me that the reason for break up was his parents aren’t accepting me), he finally spoke to his parents about me and they agreed. I got a chance to talk to his dad once they agreed and his dad said that “If he had told me earlier about you, then it wouldn’t take so long”. That’s when it made sense to me and I felt like I was hit with a brick – He was lying to me the whole freaking time. That’s why he wouldn’t come to the airport when I went to see him twice, he wouldn’t care for me or my situation or my emotions. That’s why he would find reasons not to call me, not to video chat with me, not to text me. I can go on and on but I hope you get the gist. That’s when I gathered all my courage and I broke up with him and told him that he doesn’t deserve me. He had his share of drama but I had decided not to yield in again and fool myself. I know I deserve much much better and will find my soulmate and true love.
My advice to you: If a guy decides to break up, don’t keep pleading him to take you back or feel sorry for yourself. It means that he doesn’t deserve a wonderful girl like you in his life. You will find a guy who will treat you right and keep you happy. Don’t waste your tears and time for a person who doesn’t deserve it. If I had listened to all my friends and parents when they told me to let go of him, I wouldn’t have to go through so much pain. But I learned my lesson a hard way and now I am living my life to the fullest. Freedom feels fantastic!!! I am back in touch with all my long lost friends, I am dancing again 🙂 I am doing a lot of fun and adventure stuff, life is good. At times, I think about him and ask myself if I should give him another chance. But then I tell myself if I give him another chance then I won’t be myself for the rest of my life. So, the answer is NO. I gave him way too many chances and he did not live upto it.
Stay positive and be happy girl. A lot of people go through what we have been through and if they can find their soulmate and lead a happy life then so can we. Above all, god knows what’s best for you and he will deliver it to you when the time is right. Till then enjoy your life and keep smiling. Lastly, thanks for reading my lonnnnngggg story. God bless you 🙂