At the moment I’m working a night shift.. As soon as I Finnish work I sleep all day, not just because in tired because it’s an easy escape at the moment, no thoughts.. And then at work I’m busy all night and for the most part around friends so I feel good.

But as soon as I’m alone, I feel so alone. So many thoughts racing through my head.

All the things I used to enjoy I find it hard to do now, not as enjoyable and a lot of the things I shared with someone, so just brings out memories.

I don’t know what’s happened to me and that’s the frustrating part, trying to figure out where I got lost, why I became so attached and dependant? I’ve never been like that before and don’t wish to be ever again..

In saying that I’ve half accepted what’s happened, thats why I’ve applied for a job in japan, I’ve given up hope and I’m doing my best to let a relationship go.. This was my first step and I’m going to continue asking myself what is I truly want and what makes me happy for once. I forever put people but more specifically my ex first on my list of priorities.

I really appreciate the feed back from you all. I just feel so silly and weak that I feel this, and at a young age too, I can’t talk to anyone about this which saddens me.

But I know that on my journey I’m going to meet and make friends, meet wonderful people and for that I am excited for what the future brings.