You cheating was a deal breaker. He can forever (even mentally) hang that over your head. So that part sucks.
The friend: I had two guys in love with me at the same time, and I’m not gonna lie ~ I loved every minute of it!! I really did! One was my partner, the other platonic, so it was, frankly, awesome. I stopped it, but why would he stop? His having a “harem” is the price you are paying for infidelity. Just the fact that he “confessed”, is your payback.
Also, if this is your best friend, it’s funny that you never talked about it. If you talk about it, are you afraid that it will somehow make it real? Exist? Give her power? Force his hand? She must know she has a part in a weird dynamic, and that she boldly talks to your fiancé as a best bro.
Can you tell her (gently) that you need more time with DH, and that, frankly, “It looks bad”, the two of them getting together and that “people talk”? Or, hey, you take up jogging and you need HER to get you in shape! If you join them or take her away one of the little bonds will be broken!
The wedding: Did you already send out the invitations? If not, then put him on marriage probation. No more best friend, no more criticisms. Make a love bank and put coins in for every kind word, every loving gesture. Take a coin out for best friend seeing, complaints, making you feel bad. See if there are any coins left six months from now and how many. That’s your answer. Yes, you can tell him you’re doing this. He can have one for you too, if he wants! Make it a competition who can fill up the other’s jar faster! 🙂 Trite, but powerful. We had a swear jar. One of the kids filled it up to the brink, and then suddenly stopped swearing!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 