Sultana,

I remember the first post. Here’s the thing (and what I told my sister on many occasions): You are not even the step-mom. You are the girlfriend. This is his son. My own mother couldn’t get my step-brother to move out. They finally moved to a way smaller house because my step-dad wouldn’t just kick him out. In some cases blood is thicker than water. What’s the cultural/ancestral background? Most Italians I know, for example, would never kick their kids out.

Now: It sounds like the dad likes the son coming and going, and that that is what their relationship would naturally be like anyway. What you are doing is, ultimately, and energetically saying: It’s me or him. My step-mother actually rented an apartment and moved a kid in there when they weren’t out of college a month! This way she cleverly side-stepped any It’s Me or Her future confrontation. But you aren’t even the stepmother, correct? Just a girl friend? You are, to the boys, becoming The Evil Step Mother. But here’s the thing: you’re not.

You need a sanctuary. So move or kick the boys out. No living together until marriage. But be very clear beforehand about The Rules.

I know it looks like I’m leaning toward “the other side”. But I would get a sanctuary first. You’re not going to get between the father and son. I know that’s not good news. So accept it.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Inky.