Thank you so much Matt, I feel your kindness and your words are so unbelievably comforting right now. It’s hard for me because I guess I am struggling with a constant back and forth of emotions…… one minute all I want to do is love him, support and understanding of him pushing me away and continue to humble myself by getting in touch again……… but the other moment I feel angry that I’m the only one making any effort and chasing……… I tried so hard to walk away in the beginning when his wife had a change of heart, I didn’t want to be dragged into it but he promised me my heart was safe and that he was in it for the long haul………. he promised me I was his soulmate and told me he wants to marry me etc etc etc……. he wouldn’t let me go, and of course I didn’t have the heart to leave him during a time when he said it would devastate him if I did……… I feel he was selfish and now that the divorce has finally taken place and caused tension and fighting with us, he’s giving up so easily it seems…….. like he couldn’t be bothered and see’s me as an annoyance and extra thing to attend to. It seems so unfair 🙁 I guess that’s my struggle………… I don’t deserve it, I was such a great and supportive girlfriend up until the divorce, but even after I apologized so many times for not being more understanding………

I of course do not want to lose him, but at the same time my pride is starting to kick up and telling me he needs to start coming to me at some point………. but then of course, most times I feel I need to be supportive and let it be one-sided for a while, but does that mean I’m not being loving to myself?