Hi Eve,
Thank you for posting! First and foremost I want you to know that you ARE NOT alone! Everyone has insecurities. There is always something we are trying to be better at or aspire to. That’s our nature as human beings, to never be satisfied. I battled insecurity for a long time and ruined every relationship I had. I became clingy and jealous and always compared myself to others who I thought had something I didn’t have. In reality they actually did have something I didn’t have; Love for themselves. Self esteem is basically how you see yourself. It is based on the inner and not the outer. It is more of a mental things. Low self esteem comes from self defeating thoughts that have no factual evidence and can’t be proven to be true. The only thing that matters is you. Before you try to love anyone else, you have to first love you! It is YOUR responsibility to love yourself and no one else’s. Loving yourself comes by accepting yourself unconditionally right now regardless of your circumstance. If you want to be a better person in the future, you must first accept who you are now. For example, you pull up at a toll booth. In order to get across the bridge to your destination, you must first pay the toll in order for the gat to go up to get across. I recently battled a lot with my sexual orientation and dealing with same sex attractions for years. Once I finally accepted these feelings I gave room for my authentic self to begin thriving and prospering. I accepted where I am in the present moment. The present moment is all that matters. Take some time to focus on you. Happiness is already in us and no external source can give us everlasting happiness. Also never compare yourself to others. That is an act of violence to your authentic self. I know what you are going through. Keep pressing. We are all here for you.