I’m going to be completely honest with myself. This is stressing me but I know, in my mind, that I am stressing over almost nothing. It’s over someone I hardly know, but I wish I had known, my whole life. Someone who wanted to meet me. Someone who spent a lot of time messaging me before that, and someone who wanted to be closer when we did meet. Now, she is someone who suddenly turned everything off, and is always online if I check messages there.

Then I had a revelation. I fought for my marriage so much of time. I loved my ex-wife and I gave my heart and soul to what we were supposed to have. I gave 100% of myself to her and our marriage, right up to, and beyond the point where everything came crashing down around me. I was broken hearted and it took years to recover. I loved her deeply but I will never really know how much my ex loved me.
It made me think,” Do I really want to go down that road again ?” not knowing how some feels about me, and stressing myself out about it.

I know the reason that I am feeling strong feelings for this woman. She is the type of woman that I should have been with all along. She is as attractive on the inside as she is on the outside. She has a great sense of humour, and when I hear her talk about her daughter, I know she is a caring nurturing person. The problem is that I am getting hung up on her, when there are similar women out there.

I don’t why she pulled away a bit. Maybe I was too eager sounding. Maybe it’s because she is a year removed from a breakup that saw her being cheated on by her partner, and the thought of actually giving yourself to someone else is scary. I wasn’t in any place to even think about dating then. Maybe she’s just not that into me.

All I know is that, I am not going to try to force something that isn’t good for me again.