Greetings Mark,
First off I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I couldn’t imagine the pain you must have felt. Also, I hope your father’s health is better since his stroke. Those are some heavy hits to take so close together in time.

That being said, I do have experience in what you’re talking about and it’s not easy and very confusing. Not sure if you wanted my take on your situation but I’ll give it to you, if you wish not to read it, I apologize in advance. I’m not a particularly religious guy but I always think of a passage that I hear read at weddings. I don’t know who wrote it or the whole thing but the gist of it is “love is always patient, love is always kind, love is never jealous etc etc”. I call on that idea when I hear my friends having relationship issues as well as my own past issues with a girl that was/is next to impossible to get over. If this girl was right for you she would have stuck it out. When you truly care for someone that’s just what you do. Imagine if you got diagnosed with cancer…do you think this person would stick around or would you become too much of a burden for them? I used that scenario for myself and figured the girl that I was hung up on probably wouldn’t have. Honestly Mark, it might not even be her that you’re holding on to..it’s most likely the sense of security you felt with her when you were going through one of the two toughest times a son can go through. I wouldn’t give her the credit of being this amazing girl…I would give a lot of credit to the idea that you turned her into. Again, this is just my opinion as I did the same thing for a very long time. Mark, you sound like an awesome guy who is caring, loving, sensitive and strong..if someone doesn’t recognize that in you, it’s not your fault. In my situation, I completely cut off contact with the girl. I was always tempted to reach out to her but I stopped myself, maybe try that out and see if it does anything for you. Hang in there buddy. You’re not the only one.

-G