Hi Jacob,

I can tell from your post that you’re an intelligent, well-read and emotionally intuitive person with a hell of a lot of potential, if only you can garner the resources inside yourself to harness it. This is the first time I’ve ever responded to a post on here, because I recognise a lot of myself in what you’ve said; the difficult up-bringing, the drug-use, the loss of friends, and the hopeless feeling in the pit of your stomach that I know you’re feeling because at the moment I’m feeling it as well.

From talking to people, reading forums and generally becoming a fully-fledged member of the introspective club, what I’ve realised is that the first step – and it’s a step I think you’ve already taken – is to realise you’re depressed. I am absolutely positive that you know this already, but just a reminder: depression will subvert, and twist, and manipulate every ‘reality’ that you’re experiencing. As long as you know you’re viewing life through that lens, and that it has affected every relationship you’ve had thus far, you’re well on your way to changing the situation for yourself. Have you considered going to your doctor for advice on how you can deal with this? It’s not for everyone (and I know there’s a stigma attached to this kinda thing for young guys), but have you looked into trying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? This deals less with the problems of your past (although they are touched upon to an extent, to get an idea where the negative thought patterns are coming from), and more on the practical ways you can stop this spiraling pattern of limiting thought. Worth looking into, at least.

In terms of inspiration, I’m finding TED talks (http://www.ted.com/) to get you a little bit more excited about life and the possibilities that are out there for you. Travelling, too. I know you’re struggling with money, but perhaps looking into going abroad one day and trying out a new way of life might give you more focus. You have a long time to get working and realise what you want to do, so perhaps it’s more about exploring who you are as a person at this stage and trying to work out those nitty gritties along the way. I’m currently teaching English in Vietnam, which is a great experience – I’d be more than happy to speak with you about that if that’s perhaps something you wanted to try.

I hope things get better for you soon, and you find the inspiration you’re looking for.

Kitty