Jamie. I will be honest with you I thought that I might die. At one point I found myself driving on the expressway and I was feeling “dead” inside and I wanted to feel something so bad that I just screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs so that I would feel something, anything. It is one of my most clear memories of that time and I think it still resonates with me because of its raw, unadulterated frustration I was feeling at that time.

I partly agree with Louise. Looking back I now realize that a part of me was dying. My whole life I think that I went on clinging to things or ideas that I identified with as self. I was entering a part of my life that was challenging those notions of what I believed to be me. I was having to really grow up and cope with life. One thing that I learned was life is change. We can fight it all that we want. We can struggle to swim upstream against the current, but life’s current is powerful and no matter how strong you think you are it will carry you along the riverbank of time. For me learning how to go with the current by rejoicing in the present was a painful yet needed lesson.

I honestly wish you the best and I have sincere hope that you too can find some peace with whatever it is you are struggling with.

P.S. I think sometimes just speaking about these problems and acknowledging they exist can be a powerful first step in recovering your joy, I know that it has been for me.