Thank you so much @catdancing for your insight and powerful words to think about. I have had many moments of feeling angry and thinking about all the things you write about. I’m so torn as his brother who I am close to (we were friends before I even knew my ex) told me that he’s still grieving and doesn’t want a girlfriend right now but that he still loves me tho is resentful and has drawn a lot of parallels to his ex-wife due to the way our last fight went down and the things I said (which mirrored the things she would say and the way she spoke to him). His brother said he was highly annoyed with me and resentful of one thing I said in particular because he felt I wasn’t understanding of his divorce, his emotions and continued to put all kinds of pressure on his life, work wise too (we were working together on a music project). He himself told me he realizes in order to make me happy he has to meet my demands, it’s always go here, do this, make this, do that….. which does have truth to it, I realize now I did put a lot of pressure on him to get divorced sooner than he wanted to (as his ex-wife was still overly emotional and he preferred to wait til she was completely moved on), then work on our music project and then at the same time come visit me out of country all while he just got divorced. He said it was too much pressure on top of everything else he was dealing with and tho I deserve a boyfriend who can do all of that, he couldn’t be that guy right now……. he said it’s much easier to focus on him and his son and getting his son used to the new situation without having to meet anyone elses demands or requirements, he did also say “I love you and want you, but the right way, not while I’m sad, vulnerable and angry…….not in the mindset I’m in….. I’ve been so burned by love that I don’t want to focus on it, I need to focus on my son and working through my issues right now”………. his brother confirmed that he became annoyed at me after the fight (and incredibly angry and resentful) and that’s why he avoided me, also because he didn’t want to go off on me and felt he would if we kept talking…………His brother also confirmed he was grieving and seemingly angry at the world………. he did also tell me that a lot of girls at his work have been trying to get with him, but it’s been simple flirting and even at his urging, my ex currently refuses to sleep with any of them………… (he’s not a player type, quite the opposite, this I know from having been best friends with him before we ever fell in love) BUT he is enjoying the attention and there may be one that he has started having a little crush on, and may have hung out with once or twice in the last week, but his brother said it’s nothing serious and can’t see it becoming that anytime soon if at all as he knows 100% my ex is trying to focus on his career and his son and healing and refuses to have a girlfriend until he puts his life in order.

So as you can understand, I am torn…….. EVERYTHING you are saying makes so much sense and yes, I’m angry that he risked my emotions for his need to have his cake and eat it too, and in the end changed his mind. Or at least for now……. It wasn’t fair to me. All the things I had to put up with counted for nothing……. I became another problem and he just tossed me out the window instead of remembered what a good woman I was to him for so long………. not fair 🙁

I’m wondering if your experiences were similar? Can you explain what you mean by triangulation in this case? I did look it up but couldn’t relate our situation to anything I read for the articles talked about manipulative, psychopathic, secretive type behavior and this really wasn’t the case for us. We actually had the most perfect, open relationship (of course hidden from his exwife and social media) our good friends knew about us and were very supportive and thought we were soulmates all along……… and we were very happy and despite dealing with his crazy ex-wife and living in fear of her (she is a full blown narcissist and made threats to destroy his career, take away their son from him if he didn’t get back together with her, despite being the one who left him for another man and moved out) we really did have an AMAZING relationship, grown slowly over time out of working together and becoming best friends. Everyone saw it and told me they’ve never seen him happier in all the years they knew him……. and of course my friends and family felt the same about me.

Please share what your experience was, and if it was similar? I’d love to know more about triangulation as well and maybe how it applied to you or how you see it could apply to my situation?

Thanks so much for all your help and tho I’m still so confused about what to make out of our relationship ultimately, I feel really empowered having read your words and to know you are in a much better place now!

So thank you!