Hi Matt,
many thanks for all of your very wise advice, it really did make me think when you said about being ashamed of sickness, I think you hit the nail on the head there. I was brought up to think that you never have a day off sick however ill you are, and this is how I used to operate, prior to all of the health difficulties over the last couple of years or so I had been into work with a broken wrist and torn ligament in my leg, another time with chest pains, another time with laryngitis ……etc. One time I even ended up in the hospital with chest pains over the weekend and then went into work on Monday morning and didn’t tell a soul, not even my manager! It also hit home with me when you mentioned punches to self, I feel quite guilty now thinking that I would carry on regardless of any messages my body was sending me about not being able to cope. I think part of the reason was as I suffer with chronic fatigue and chronic pain anyway (and have done for years) I had to have the attitude of carry on, rather than sit in a corner and give up. It was no good having a few days or a week off work to recuperate as I would still be the same when I went back, so I just kept on keeping on, but maybe in the long term this has not helped? I didn’t want to be seen as someone who just gives up, and didn’t want to be on any kind of benefits as in our country people are severely looked down on for this. Somehow people who have disabilities have been merged into the same category as scroungers and instead of sorting the rough from the chaff everyone is being punished. There are some who have no reason not to work at all, who get benefits, and then there are others who are really unwell or disabled in some way who don’t!!!

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts, and for the ideas you have helped me to see. I am still struggling hugely, but have written down some of the key points from your response, and some notes from others and am trying my best to summon a little more strength to carry on, from these.

Best wishes and kind regards to you, and many thanks again 🙂
Sarah-Jane