Hi Rachel,

Thank you for sharing your experience. Not only is it good to have some different opinions on the matter, it is possible that other people (like myself) are going though a very similar experience and have interesting things to say to you. First of all, I am very sorry you had to go through such a rough time. Losing someone we deeply care for is extremely painful and when you add “betrayal” to the mix, the consequences are devastating, to say the least. Betrayal not only hurts, but it messes with our self esteem and in our confidence and security in ourselves. Because of someone else’s bad (and selfish) decision, we are left picking up the pieces and dealing with the very difficult consequences. It is something that truly scars, no matter what happens afterwards. Mostly, in my opinion, one of the things that make betrayal hard to face, is how it is something we would never be capable of doing, especially not to people we care about. It is hard to consider trusting and relying on someone who has had the selfishness and cruelty to hurt and humiliate us that way.

But one thing I can tell you with certainty, that anguishing pain will pass, even if it takes long. So be patient with yourself. Not only that, but be patient with the situation as a whole, and be selfish too. No matter what other people think or tell you, this is your life. I’m sure you understand why it is that your loved ones are against a possibility of your rekindling with him – it is because they love you and want to avoid the chance of you getting hurt again. However, only you are living your life, feeling your feelings, and facing the consequences of your decisions. So, when considering what to do, don’t put on that “extra stress”. Your loved ones want you to be happy, and if somehow you are able to find happiness with this person, they will be happy for you and adjust with time.

Now, the real question however is, is it right of you to go back to him? I don’t think there is a right answer here, but what the wise thing to do would be to predict all of the possible outcomes and if you are willing to risk getting hurt again. Is it worth it? Do you feel safe? Maybe you could allow him to bond with you, but not actually get back together. Like “friends” who are hanging out and spending time together (not hooking up obviously) and taking the time that is necessary so that you can feel secure and confident that this is really what is best for you. Sometimes I think we get “addicted” to relationships and don’t even know why we are in them any longer. We block out the pain that is stashed inside and only cling on to the happy and fun times and try to convince and fool ourselves that risks are necessary, even if the happiness associated to them are only temporary. Be patient and be calm and love yourself above loving him. Make healthy and wise decisions and don’t ever be afraid that if you don’t choose to be with him now, you may lose him again. If he wants to go because you are not running back to him like a silly pet, then I suggest you hold the door wide open and with a smile on your face. We fight for the things we want and we don’t let go so easily, your endurance and consideration for him are the perfect evidence to prove that, so now it is on his plate to decide how he wants to treat you and handle the mess that he made. It is not your job to clean it up and he is lucky if you even give him the chance to try and make things right.

I say be honest, but play the game with patience and intelligence. Don’t show him all the cards at once and make sure you get the love, attention and most of all respect that you deserve, because what he did was simply direspectful and very mean.

Embrace the feelings your heart is feeling, recognize them, acknowledge them, but don’t surrender to them, life isn’t based on emotions, there needs to be some rationality and coherence between our feelings and actions. Think about what you’re going through as if it was a friend you’d be giving advice to. There are no right or wrong or ready answers, we just have to be patient to deal with the material and information we are given, slowly. Be good to you and put yourself first, and only settle for what you truly deserve.

Lots of love!