@Jessica
Thank you very much for an insightful input. Yes I was mostly outside, only came back for dinner and sleep. He caught me during the time I had my dinner. Anyways I moved out now and moving forward. love and blessings to you.

@Jasmine-3

I completely agree with you regarding the inner film and surprisingly its get distorted with I’s only. 7 years in UK, I had fallen in love with myself for the first time, met people and had experiences which shown that I am greater than I think and that I am a person rather than the labels which I have been bestowed upon. I did have a inner-film that time of why I can’t find a relationship and grow old with someone, which forced me to make a stupid decision and you know what happened after that.

During that time I immensely missed my true self, the traveler, the explorer, holding conversation with random people, growing spiritually and becoming a better version of myself. Yes, I had my parents with me who love me and whom I love to bits, but I realized I need to love me first and fulfill my needs first, to pass that forward.

That’s why I am here in NZ, again on a self-discovering journey. I don’t have that inner-film anymore, I have made my peace with it. I have met people from all across the world and they don’t label me. Sadly, its only the I’s. Earlier I used to wonder that something is wrong with me, because of which I can’t gel with my own people. But now I realized I am a Swan, not an ugly duckling. I don’t have a protocol or manual to live my life right according to societies or people standards.

I know me and my flatmate were right in our own places, but he was not accepting my difference and made every conversation miserable. I thought he would give up, considering I was not reacting to anything he said. For the first time, I did not get angry, did not have the need to explain anything and did not have the urge to put him in his place.

I don’t understand myself in terms of intimate relationship and don’t know how to explain it? But what is the best way to handle questions like these?