Ehh , Rebecca . This is my First attempt in writing in Tiny Buddha . So forgive if it doesnt seem precise .

I Have the same thoughts As you . But There are a lot of things to explain . First oF all , You won’t ever go mad  . I can promise You that. Why? . Because i havent gone mad And I Have the same problem as Yours . Your brain is highly rooted into a logical thinking phase i.e Your brain is a working LOGICAL brain . There is very less chance Your brain can slip Into thinking something illogical and then go mad, Because most of the people who go mad become so because Something some big event happens Which emotionally overpowers them And They lose all sense of their logical thinking for some time . It will be very Hard For Your brain to lose sense of reality And To stop being concious of Yourself and Your surroundings . But Trying To stop feeling afraid is another matter .

Another thing is that I Have understood Is that You can never be perfect for anyone , NEVER EVER , So There is no use in trying to be And even if You can read The thoughts of the person You would like to impress and know what the person likes , You will feel You have become nothing more than a puppet trying to stride towards perfection . And most importantly as someone said “We are not that important” , None of us are , EVen the people who do good things in the world die after their alloted time, and People Dont think everyday “Ohh i wish he/she was perfect like i want him/ her to be ” — People dont think like this everyday Because They are already concerned and busy with their own lies . Even Your parents/spouse or whoever wont be thinking about you Everytime Till the end of life . And don’t worry Because At the time You die , You will understand That since life is almost over , There is no more need To exist anymore , And You will be happy When You finally realize “From now on ,I don’t have to feel IMPORTANT or make myself IMPORTANT ” . The burden of living Can become tiresome Because Even Conciousness becomes a hard thing for the Brain To be calm about IF You keep on thinking about it .

Second, and most Important is that You are (well your brain is atleast) Trying to Find an answer to everything . Like When i wake up , I Am thinking “Okk , what should i do Start doing now?” Or ” What Should i be doing in this particular time of my life in this particular Place ?” Or Maybe some other things . See Since There is no realistic answer To anything in life , Your Brain keeps on looking for “PATTERNS” in Your life Or It tries To Make sense of things happening in your surroundings and from them trying to get some clue or get an answer , just trying to understand or make some sense of it all . But the funny Thing Is Just As there is no 1 discrete answer , there is no 1 concrete question To ask Yourself . And That is one question i will like To ask God when i die too — “Is there an answer….(No reply)  Okk , then what is the question? ”Thirdly , There must be a million of things common between us And millions of things I want to talk to , But I Just Dont know how to share it And The best way to ease the pain would be to find someone similar to You and talk to that person .

Best of Luck .