Hi Scarlet.

My heart truly goes out to you.

What a journey, and what a hard thing to have to accept and try to come to terms with.

Please know – as you seem to have come to see and accept – that none of this mans actions are about you. They merely show that in some way he is unable to empathise and to connect with a loving and honest part of himself. He simply cannot. And this is what is very sad. The beautiful way you wrote about your pain, is testament that, unlike him, thankfully your heart was open and abundant, ready to love and be loved. And that fire in you, that place of beauty, cannot be extinguished by the lack of light inside him. It is so very sad that he could have you in his life, and yet he has not got what it takes to take on that responsibility, take on that role as father. Its so very sad, that he couldnt then, and he cant now. However – your strength will remain. You are loved, you are important and you are of supreme value in this world.

Please stay strong. You have done your part, you have tried your best to reach him. But alas it is not to be dear sister. You did all you possibly could – and for that, you must be proud.

Its frustrating, hurtful, painful, rejecting, and difficult. So please look after your inner light. Meditate – my favourite is Ajhan Brahm – his talks saved me from dark moments and his witty way of delivering talks help to lighten even the heaviest load. Please treat yourself like the beauty you are – be kind, to yourself. Eat well, and reach out to the people who love you. Your mother sounds like an amazing person, and the blessing of her love will no doubt be such a help.The wonderful Matt, on this website is a solace also and Im sure he will have works of wisdom and a perspective on the element of how to move through this suffering. I also have been looking at Heather Ash Amara – an amazing woman, on u tube, and her new book ‘Warrior Goddess’ has lots about how to ‘reframe’ our story, so as to move through difficulties past and present.

There is nothing to do but accept – as horribly excruciating as it is – that this man is just not equipt to be the man he could be. He dosent want to, at this time, be that man.

I have the utmost respect for you.
You have been through a lot.
Be gentle with yourself. You are amazing.

Sending hugs
Barbara. xxxx 🙂