I understand what you are going through I am in a similar situation and I am the sister-in-law. My brother had a nasty argument with my mother and he decided to cut his entire family off. I had nothing to do with this argument. His wife did not even bother to tell me that she should not speak to me anymore, she just stopped returning calls and texts. I found out on Christmas eve I was no longer welcome in their house by another relative. However they still accepted my gifts.

I respect you for at least trying to consider your sister-in-law’s feelings, but she crossed the line when she said that her brother is controlling you. Keeping peace in your home is what should take priority. Janice gave you very good advice on how to communicate with both of them. I hope in the future you and your husband will be able to work out issues with his family in a emotionally healthy way.