Hi Megan, believe me.. you are not alone. Right now, i am going through the same thing as you. He is also my first love. And this breakup had ripped me inside out. It has been 3 months now and i still can’t forgive him. One month after we split, i came to the point of depression and anxiety. Fear of the future…grieve of the past. I lost weights significantly and actually felt ache in my chest, like someone had just punched my chest and left a big hole. I am in my 3rd semester in college and my grades suffered because of my depression. I was so scared of falling deeper and deeper into this sadness. No one understands me (at least that’s what i thought at first). Eventually, i seek help to a psychiatrist and he gave me antidepressant. This works for me.. but i’m still scared that someday i will had a breakdown. No one deserves to feel the same way as i do.. and i hope you cope with this better than i do. Now, i begin to believe in my strength and ignore the voices in my head that said i can’t go on without him. The truth is.. i can.. so can you. Even though i still have a relapse every now and then… it’s better than not fighting at all. Now i still love my ex.. i really do.. but I push myself to move forward and focus in my life. I’m starting to open up to other guy (four actualy), but sadly they’re just either lame or boring. I don’t feel like giving up on my love life… but really… i really can’t imagine there is someone out there better than him… someone that won’t break my heart the way he did. I share this because i want you to know that you are not alone.