@Yue At work i have a whole other attitude then i have outside work. Right after the breakup i felt like crap and i let them know that by practicly just being present and do my job and talk to no one. But later on i showed a version of me who was happy, went on with his life(faking it but that is half as good lol).

I’m not mad at her, after the breakup i got to know myself so much better then i did before. I learned allot about my fears, which i always have had troubles facing.

@Anne I do see her as the perfect girl, i lost my girlfriend and my best friend. That’s a huge hole in your daily life. Takes allot of time to fill that time up yourself. The thing is, she was very patient with me. In the first couple of months of our relationship she was talking about moving out. But we simple couldn’t yet. She pushed me to finish my last college year, but i was unmotivated. Hiding my fear of a scary future i was uncertain of. At some point, she didnt care anymore and let me just live my life. That’s where she started doubting the idea us in the future. It takes two to make it, thats right. But she really tried to make it work but i just wouldn’t put real effort in our future. So at one point she was just fed up with it and left.

And i feel like if i had talked the talk and walk the walk, it would be all fine.
If i would have just been there for her the way she needed me too.. i just couldnt see, or acknowledge, what that was.